The Anguish of Loneliness

Unrelenting news of corona virus deaths. Contaminated nursing homes. The spiritual poverty of long-distance livestreamed liturgies. Directives like “Stay home!” and “Wear a mask at the grocery stories, parks and pharmacies.” and “Stay six feet apart from others.” These are bitter pills for whole cities, states and countries at a time. In the face of all this, how can we isolate ourselves for months at a time without being gripped and paralyzed by loneliness? 

Public service announcements from television actors echo a tiny piece of God’s wisdom, “You are not alone.” In Isaiah 49: 15-16, we hear more from our creator; should a mother lose her tenderness for her child, “I can never forget you. I have written your names on the palms of my hands.” Let us search the Bible for more life-giving truths.

Jesus knows Loneliness. Jesus suffered loneliness many times. He was constantly misunderstood by his disciples. He was abandoned in the Garden of Gethsemane. He cried out from the Cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Jesus joins us in this part of the human condition. Acknowledge the emotions that often get tangled up with loneliness, like: desolation, fear, sadness, self-pity. Think of the flood of emotions that the widow of Naam, who lost her only son, experienced. Jesus took pity on her and raised him back to life. He can raise us too.

  • Response: Concentrate on one emotion, loneliness first, and give yourself to Jesus, especially through religious music. Spend more time with Jesus than you do with news about this deadly virus.

Move from loneliness to solitude. Jesus often embraced being alone, whether it was on a mountain or in a small piece of wilderness at the edge of a village. He chose to cultivate the gift of solitude by embracing the presence of his Father. Choose solitude. Choose God, the Father. Choose “godly grief” (of friendship) that leads to new life, versus “worldly grief” that leads to death (2 Corinthians 7:10).

  • Response: Admit loneliness to a friend, a family member, a person on a help line.

Jesus is the Good Samaritan for you. We are living this Gospel scene today. We must avoid others, even family, to the point of shunning the balm of human touch. But still we have Jesus, the Good Samaritan, who wants to lift us up, bathe our emotional wounds. He has spared no expense in caring for us. Jesus is our healer.

  • Response: AFTER you picture Jesus caring for you, reach out to others by phone, by sitting at someone’s window, through video conferencing programs like Facetime of Zoom, or by making donations.

St. Teresa of Calcutta once said, “Of all the diseases I have known, loneliness is the worst.” So, find simple, yet creative, ways to respond to the loneliness and the need for human contact. We did. We put our pride aside, admitted our feelings and asked to meet all of our children and grandchildren online for Easter. It was just the medicine that we needed.

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Jesus Dispels Worry and Darkness

St. Francis de Sales (France, 1567 – 1622) taught that “Anxiety is the greatest evil that can befall a soul except sin. God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry.” For some of us, this directive sounds like foolishness; and shunning anxiety is akin to an Olympic event, especially after hearing news of pandemics, wars and political wrangling. So, what is Francis saying to us?

The key to his message is contained in the first part of this quote, God’s essential invitation to pray.  St. Therese of Lisieux (France, 1873 – 1897) further explains what is needed to overcome worry, “Prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven; it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” What a challenge for a worrier! 

Our temptation is to get frozen in an instant replay of a monumental fear, allowing worry to grip our minds and hearts in a powerful vise. The longer we embrace worry, the more our inner selves spin out of control and our souls begin to drown. “No! No! No!”  is all we can manage to pray! Now, be assured that God hears this kind of primal prayer, but offers us much more, if we let our troubled hearts surge toward Jesus from the trough of despair.

  1. We suggest that you choose a few of the following titles for Jesus. Slowly pray them, over and over again.
  2. Settle on one that touches your troubled soul. Pray this one name slowly several times.
  3.  Put this name in the following sentence.

“Jesus, (title)________ , come to me when I am afraid of ________.”  [Repeat three times.]   EX: Jesus, Good Shepherd, come when I am afraid of pneumonia, [of hospitals], or [of death]

4. Finish with, “I choose you as my hope. Amen.”
5. Consider asking a worried friend, “What helps you live through this problem?” Listen. Then consider sharing your experience of calling out to Jesus, if it is appropriate.

Bread of Life   *   Lord   *   Emmanuel    *    Holy One of God    *   Good Shepherd   *   Healer   *   King of Kings   *   Image of the Invisible God   *   Living Water   *   Messiah   *   Lamb of God   *   Lion of Judah   *   Light of the World   *   Son of David   *   Man of Sorrows   *   Redeemer   *   Prince of Peace    *   Savior   *  Teacher   *   Son of God   *   Suffering Servant   *   Son of Mary   *   Word of God   *   Way, Truth and Life        

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Six Lessons Learned about Praying for Adult Children

Many Catholic parents are frustrated about their adult children’s behavior or about decisions to stop going to church. What can they do? Praying for adult sons and daughters in an enlightened way is a good beginning. Here are six lessons we have learned.

BU grad fam
     First, it is never too early or too late to pray for them. Prayer unleashes the Holy Spirit’s power in ways we don’t always understand. We connect ourselves to the strength of God’s love for them and let the Holy Spirit handle the results. And also, seeking Jesus’ wisdom about our sons’ or daughters’ lives, their difficulties or needs, is a lifelong calling.

 
     Second, ask God, the Father, to intervene in a son’s or daughter’s life, especially if their situation is out of synch with the message of God’s love, our redemption in Jesus, and the teaching of the Church. The Father is concerned about their well-being even more than we are. God is already at work in their lives. We need to ask for eyes to recognize God’s presence.

 
     Third, ask God to send the Holy Spirit as a guide. If our adult children are baptized, they have already been immersed in the life and love of God. But they may not be aware of the presence of the Spirit or how to tap into the power and direction that the Spirit wants to provide. We can pray, “Come, Holy Spirit, help me and my son/daughter _________ to meet you as a living person and to follow you!”

 
     Fourth, ask for the gift of peace-filled understanding. It is a rare adult son or daughter who can accept a parent’s unsolicited advice about their lives and problems without feeling threatened. So, first, we must let go of our opinions and the desire to solve their problems. Our goal is to offer our children to Jesus and let him do the “heavy lifting.” Then we will have the peace to listen.

 
     Fifth, ask for God’s help to choose one issue in his or her life to pray about. If we find ourselves worrying, let go of knowing God’s whole plan for them. Let go of the way their needs may be tangled up with our own. Pray regularly for just one concrete need that he or she has expressed.

 
     Sixth, speak and act in ways that affirm a son or daughter. Ask respectful questions that will yield a better understanding, such as “Could you tell me more about…?” or “Have you ever thought about…?” Act or serve in ways that reflect God’s love and that utilize the fruits of the Holy Spirit—peace, joy, patience, and understanding. These fruits of the Spirit may not always come naturally; we may need practice.

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